


Simon

by leviphiliac



Series: Mercy [2]
Category: Afraid of Monsters & Cry of Fear
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 06:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17156669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviphiliac/pseuds/leviphiliac
Summary: Simon's perspective of Mercy chapters 10 to 13.





	Simon

Simon watches the door closing. He still can't believe what David just told him. Love? Does he think Simon's an idiot?

And why would he do that? Weren't they friends? He actually liked being around David.

That's why he doesn't trust anyone. Look what happens when he lets himself believe people are treating him like a normal person. First it was her, and now…

The thing is… he sounded so genuine… and he seemed to be on the verge of crying when he left Simon's room. But Simon knows David's a liar. He lies all the time, it almost seems like an impulse. Was it all just a big prank?

Simon feels betrayed. Cheated once again by someone he thought cared about him. Sure, by now he has forgiven Sophie, but…

No, maybe forgiveness is too strong a word. He just doesn't think about it, and assures her that everything's okay on the rare occasions she stops by. It beats being completely alone.

His eyes are getting tired, but he knows he shouldn't fall asleep while feeling so angry, although sometimes he just can't help it. His mind goes weird places when he goes to bed like that, and although he doesn't remember anything, he knows it's bad. More often than not, he wakes up from such dreams feeling like he's just killed someone.

In the end, he decides to take a shower before bed, to see if his mood will improve a little. If only he could get his mind off David…

The shower ends up being surprisingly helpful, although it didn't lead his thoughts away from David. Instead, it makes him think of things such as the look on his face when he confessed. The sincerity in his voice. He's seen David lying before, and he always has a slight mischievous tone when he does it.

This time, though, he was completely serious. Either he's a very good actor or… he wasn't lying.

With thoughts veering towards this direction, Simon falls asleep.

During group the next day, David looks like he hasn't slept a wink. If it's all an act, how long does he intend to keep it? He doesn't look his way once, and Simon suddenly finds himself annoyed at that.

Does he want it to be true? No. It… it'd be weird to have a guy in love with him.

Would it, though? He can't say he's ever thought about this sort of thing before. Would he feel differently if David was a girl? He doesn't think he would. What he should ask himself is if it would be weird to have a friend in love with him, regardless of gender.

Maybe he should ask Sophie.

The thought makes him groan, and Jonesy tries to be a smartass. Simon tells him off.

Maybe… maybe he should give David a chance. Not at… not at love. A chance to better explain himself. If they spoke again, maybe he could find out whether he was telling the truth or not.

When he passes by David to ask him to go see him tomorrow, David looks like he's just received an electric shock.

Simon really doesn't know what to think.

***

David manages to better explain what he wants, which is nothing besides Simon's friendship, apparently.

It seems fishy as hell, but Simon decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. And he lets David know he doesn't feel the same, because fuck if he'll lead him on. He knows first hand how shitty it is having someone doing that.

After talking things over, Simon ends up bringing up one of his least favorite subjects: Sophie. In the end, he comes to the conclusion that he never really loved her after all, but can't let go of her for some reason.

David wants to talk to her, but Simon has a feeling that he's just gonna yell in her face for a whole hour, and he knows Sophie's going to cry. Even after everything, his desire to protect her hasn't left him completely.

Over the course of the week, Simon feels like David's in his field of view all the time. Sure, obviously he is when he's sitting on her-- on the chair by his bed.

But during group, every time he raises his head, he ends up looking at David. He even sees him outside through the window, walking and talking with Leanne.

Then David starts showing up elsewhere too: his dreams.

They're not sexual, or even romantic. But David's always there. They're either in his room, talking, or somewhere else, outside St. Mercy. In those dreams, Simon's walking. He wakes up from those with a bittersweet feeling and his face wet.

He tells David about them, and David says he wishes they would come true. He look so sad when he says this that Simon's heart hurts a little.

David's not lying, and Simon feels bad for having doubted him.

He also feels bad for upsetting David, and changes the subject, urging him to tell some of his weird stories.

And he wonders how he can do that, be around someone he's in love with and be okay with not touching them, without asking anything of them. In school, whenever he was talking to Sophie, he just wanted to pull her somewhere and kiss her. She was so beautiful.

Then it hits him.

David isn't attracted to him. He keeps saying love, love but all he wants is Simon's friendship. He doesn't want to do those kinds of things with him, which in all honesty is a good thing, considering…

Well, that's another subject Simon's not exactly fond of, one he doesn't even allow himself to think about.

But… kissing. Simon always wondered what that was like.

Sometimes… friends kiss, don't they?

Could he propose something like that to David? Does he really want to?

He stares at David's lips the whole time he's speaking. They're chapped. David doesn't really take good care of himself, considering how many scars he has.

These are things Simon had never noticed before. He stares some more, as David's immersed in a tall tale involving what he swears to Simon was a mermaid.

He's handsome, Simon can give him that. Tall and sort of lanky. David's brown eyes are a lighter shade than his, and his reddish brown hair, although dishevelled, always smells clean. Well, ever since Simon decided to surreptitiously smell it anyway. 

When he pushes his sleeves up his arms, they're well defined and strong looking. And he has some tattoos, although Simon can't really make them out. There are some words on one of his arms, a Roman numeral on the other. The only one Simon's been able to tell what it was is the one on his left hand. Words again, and he has no idea why someone would ever want to tattoo something like that on themselves. It says, ' _David is a cocksucker_ '.

His clothes are all black, Simon can't remember ever seeing him wearing something of a different color, not even grey. And there are traces of black nail polish on his nails. Simon wonders how often does he paint them.

David's skin tone is not as pale as his, and he has a bit of a tan. He looks… healthier than Simon. Whatever he was addicted to, did nothing to blemish his complexion.

Then again, it's not like Simon goes outside a lot.

His voice, although maybe a little too loud, is smooth and melodic, and Simon's still looking at his lips.

Okay, yeah. He wants to kiss David.

But then he goes back to that little issue: David isn't attracted to him. Why would he be? He doesn't even find himself particularly attractive. He knows he's not hideous or anything, but Simon finds himself bland as hell. His eyes and hair are so dark, they're almost black, and he always looks sickly, partly because of those insomniac's rings around his eyes.

And that's not counting the rare times he's looked his face in the mirror and groaned at how the reflected image resembled a serial killer.

He knows David isn't crazy about beards.

The next time Simon sees Jeanette, he stares at her for a long moment until he gathers up the courage to ask her.

"Jeanette… you don't like beards, do you?"

"Hate them. All kinds of facial hair, for that matter. To me, a man has to be all smooth and-- ah! Don't tell me… oh, Simon! Will you let me? At last?"

"Be my guest."

After she's done, he checks himself out. 

Better. Not great or anything. There's nothing he can do about the dark circles around his eyes. They're the result of sleeping less than 5 hours each night.

"You know, some concealer would fix that right up."

That's what he gets for giving himself such a hard once over in the mirror with Jeanette still in the room.

He's already thinking about kissing another guy. But make up? That's a completely different story. Simon thanks Jeanette, but declines her offer.

Maybe... Maybe he could take something for his insomnia, just for tonight. His doctor's been trying to get him to take it anyway, insisting he has to sleep more, but Simon doesn't like being on too many substances. And he's already on anti-depressants and painkillers, although those are necessary if he even wants to leave the bed every day.

The doctor is more than happy to provide Simon with a sleep aid, and for once, Simon has a great night sleep, albeit dreamless.

A great night, morning and beginning of afternoon. When he checks the time, it's 2:30 p.m.

Well, not time enough to shower now. The only thing he can do is wash his face, satisfied with how much the dark circles have cleared up, and brush his teeth. Yeah, brushing his teeth is very important.

He quickly changes his sweatshirt for a clean one. He chooses the grey one, the one he was wearing that night. He doesn't wear it often, but it's still his favorite. Then he realizes he's acting like he's getting ready for a date.

He's done it before, whenever Sophie would ask him to go somewhere. This is pretty much the same, and as he goes to open the door, he still has time to wipe his sweaty hands on his pants a couple of times.

David looks positively shocked, but it doesn't seem to be in a bad way. He thinks Simon looks like a teenager without the beard. Also, he just got a nickname. _Si_. He likes that.

Then David wants to know why he decided to shave, and Simon realizes he hasn't thought _anything_ through.

So he just tells him the truth, partially, hiding his burning face so David won't figure it out and rambles away about Jeanette.

What is he going to do? Is he just going to ask him?

_Remember how I said I didn't return your feelings? Yeah, can you kiss me anyway? I wanna know what it feels like, and I'm selfish as fuck._

He really should have planned it better.

Then David compliments him, and Simon doesn't know what to do. After a while, he remembers he's supposed to thank him.

He's not gonna go through with it. At least not today. Maybe he could… maybe he could come up with a good excuse, but he needs time to--

"Simon… if you ever want-- if you ever want anything from me, you just have to ask."

What? What does that mean? Could it mean… nah, he's not reading David right. Maybe he just means… maybe he should just ask. "What do you mean?"

David's eyes soften, and his lips subtly pull up, and he watches Simon for a moment before he replies.

"I mean, if you want me to kiss you, you just have to say so."

 

Holy shit. Is he joking? Simon can't tell if he's joking. What should he do? Should he believe him?

Would David joke about that?

There's only one way to finally find out for sure. "Would you?"

In a moment, David's leaning against the closed door with his hands in his pockets. In the next, he's sitting beside Simon. Close. He's sitting very close.

"Yeah."

Before he has time to process what's going on, David's lips are on his. Simon has a very brief moment of panic, but it passes when David doesn't go any further. He's letting Simon decide whether he really wants this or not.

And he does. He wants David to kiss the living daylights out of him.

So when David asks if he wants to continue, Simon doesn't hesitate.

Kissing… is way better than he could have ever imagined. The way David's lips move is so… sensual. Simon tries to copy him, really hoping he isn't being too sloppy.

Then David's tongue is in his mouth, and he feels butterflies in his stomach and a shiver down his spine. He thought it was sensual before? That turns it to eleven.

When David touches his neck and hair, it sends an electric jolt through Simon's body, and he hopes his hands aren't sweating too much, because he wants to bring him even closer somehow.

But after a while, David starts pulling back. Simon doesn't want that, but he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how long the kiss is supposed to last, if David's just amusing him just this once, he doesn't know anything. So he just lets it end. When it does, David kisses him again a few more times, but these ones are quick and only leave him craving more.

That was…

Simon's pretty sure he can say that was the best experience he's ever had in his life, and he's never going to stop reliving it over and over in his mind.

When he opens his eyes and sees the absolutely pleased look on David's face, he gets confident, and slightly smug. "You know, I thought you said I wasn't your type." He's surprised his voice doesn't crack.

David tells him he was lying, which doesn't surprise him, really. Although, he has a feeling that maybe shaving had something to do with that.

Then David asks if he wants to do it again, and Simon feels…

Happy.

When was the last time--

He doesn't know.

But then, all kinds of worries enter his head. Will David want something more? The kind of thing he doesn't think he can give? What if he wants to know if Simon loves him back? He's never been more confused than he is right now. What is he supposed to say? Should he really have kissed David when he doesn't want to lead him on?

Where does he want this to go? Where does David?

He fails to voice his worries in an intelligible manner, but David apparently understands it anyway.

It's okay. Everything is okay. And David doesn't want to talk, he wants to kiss again, and Simon is more than thrilled to comply.

It feels even better the second time. Probably because he's figuring out what to do, and is not so lost anymore.

He notices David straining his neck, and he just has to comment on it. David sasses him right back, and once again he's without reaction. David relieves him of his distress, kissing him over and over and over, and it feels so, so good, it feels great, and he wants to do more.

But then he has to point out that the hour's about to end, and they have to stop. Not knowing what else to do, Simon _bites_ him. Oh God. He really hopes that was a good move.

Judging by the sound David makes, it definitely was. He promptly confirms so, and Simon gets confident again.

Minutes after David's gone, Simon's still dazedly looking at the closed door, with a hand over his lips. When he closes his eyes, he can still feel David's hot mouth on his, his tongue twirling around in his mouth, making him dizzy.

He loved it. He loved kissing David.

And if David liked at least half as much as he did, he'll want to do it again too, and Simon still wants to do more.

He turns his neck and looks at his bed.

Maybe he could do at least a little bit more.

**Author's Note:**

> Really couldn't think of a title. I'm sorry.


End file.
